Dr. Seuss, airplanes, and general silliness

As some of you may know, I have an extreme love of Dr. Seuss. That guy rocks, even if he did pretend to be a doctor. In celebration of the imposter's birthday, Emily's class had a special month of reading his books and doing super cool activities, including donning funny hats and eating Green Eggs and Ham. I squelched my urge to call her teacher and offer to take over these celebrations, and instead, enjoyed the stories and artifacts from these fun filled days, as told by my ecstatic daughter.

Doesn't that look like fun?

The excitement continued with a visit from some adoring grandparents (Grampa and Sue) who brought Ethan some cool presents for his birthday. I had let them know that he has a growing adoration for things that fly, and that he was kinda rough on his toys ("kinda" does not really belong in that sentence, let's face it, the kid makes King Kong look like a gentle giant), so they brought him a giant hair pain (I mean airplane) that had the words "Virtually Indestructable" printed on the package. So, off we went to fly the hair pain:

That is his "This is MINE, do not even try it" look. Can you tell he liked it?

This week was also punctuated by a bunch of random silliness, including Emily pretending to have big teeth:

And catching Ethan red-handed pretending to be flown around in the sky by a paper kite:

Oh, to be a kid again!

Testing, 1, 2, 3.

For the past couple of days I have been proctoring state standardized tests for homeschooled children in the city of brotherly love. This has been quite the experience, to say the least. Nothing like taking 300 kids who are used to working at home at their own pace and cramming them in a room for two days to quietly take a high stakes test. Ummm, yeah. It actually went well, all things considered. Although this was technically all about the kids, lets have a moment of selfishness where I pretend it was all about me and my amusement.

First off, we had an incident of grafitti. One of the awesome staff members of the hotel where the test was taking place kindly took me aside to explan how there was some new artwork in one of the bathroom stalls. Oh, geez. So, using skills gained from watching Law and Order, I quickly devised a plan on how to investigate the situation to determine the offendor. Since the "artwork" was in the boys bathroom, I could cut the list of students pretty much in half. My next plan was to take a picture of the graffiti and compare it with the scrawlings on the scrap paper of the students. This handwriting analysis would surely determine the offendor, right? I am so good at this, I thought to myself, all those years of watching TV really paid off.

So, off I go to snap a photo and examine the artwork with my specially trained, investigative eyes, hypothesising about what I will find on the other side of the stall door. Vulgar language? A nude drawing? Nopers. The kid wrote his own damn name. Darnit. Then, when confronted, he admitted to it. Double darnit. All of this investigative talent just wasted on a case fit for an amateur. Oh well.

Moving right along, I would like to now discuss something that may be controversial. Trust me, my comments are purely observational, I am not trying to be judgemental. I think that was disclaimer-ish enough, so here goes. It seems as though we have a lot of students who are really religious. Many families came to the test with all of the women and girls only showing their eyes. I know it is customary for some Muslim cultures to cover their hair so they are not drawing attention to their beauty and luring poor stupid men into wanting them. I get that. I really do. Same reason nuns and biblical women cover their hair. I know for sure that I would be a lot less hot if I wore a big robe and didn't show my gorgeous fake blonde hair. If all women did this, we would probably have so many more inventions and cures for more diseases since the scientists would not be so busy checking out Dr. Hottie's ass when she bent over to get the bunsen burner or checking out Dr. Milf's cleavage as she scrubbed out the test tubes.

With that said, the first day of testing, I was extremely distracted because the word "ninja" kept popping into my head. I had an insatiable urge to say the word ninja. I swallowed my urges, but this was SO INNAPROPRIATE of me. Then, I started thinking about Michael Jackson's kid named Blanket because I think I saw him (her?) wearing one of those veils a couple of times. I had to get over this! So, I started engaging in long meaningful conversations with the covered women. They were really smart, terrifically funny women with whom I had more in common than not, so this was very enjoyable...and after I spoke with each of them, it became easier and easier to not ask them childish questions like "do you ever trip over your robe?" or "isn't it hot in there?" or even "how do your kids know if you are really their mom, or just an imposter who stole her shoes?". I am glad I had this experience, because I really do feel like I grew up a bit in my ability to look past physical appearances and focus on what is inside. Whew! Another disaster averted.

The History of the Nap and Gone Fishin'

My freshman year of college, I learned a valuable skill. Actually, I believe it was my dear friend Jill who taught me this life-changing practice: the art of the nap. You see, before I went to college, I was never really a napper. To lay down and get all drooly in the middle of the day was not something I was into. Or so I thought. But when Jill would lay down and get snuggly after class, what was a girl to do? There was no good TV on in the afternoon (Springer was on at 11, and it was all downhill after that). So, I would reluctantly get myself a blankie and lay down on her little pull out couch. She had the routine down pat...close the blinds, set an alarm, and then simply sleep. Just like that. At first, this was just impossible for me, but I gave it the old college try. I would lie awake thinking of everything but sleeping. I would toss and turn, and think about homework and laundry and Ramen noodles.

I even began to doubt the nap. Was this just a waste of time? I was never even really tired in the middle of the day. What was the point? But again, I persisted. I would learn to nap no matter what, damnit. I then began to think of it as a "sympathy nap". I really wasn't tired, but Jill was, so I would nap in order to sympathize with her feelings. I am so selfless. Fortunately, this plan worked! Success at last!

Now, as an adult, I have a whole new appreciation for the nap. Although I rarely have the opportunity to nap myself, this has become a very important part of my life. When Emily began refusing a nap at age 2, I was devastated. How would I survive? Life as I knew it was over. Now that Emily is at school, Ethan is the main napper in my life. I have once again gained 2 and half hours of uninterrupted time each day while my dear boy slumbers. On weekends, the entire household has taken to "family naps" where we pile pillows and blankets on the floor, and encourage one another to sleep, or at the very least, sympathize with one another's desire for slumber. One thing that I have learned is that this is rarely successful unless everyone under the age of 6 has spent at least 3 hours blowing off some steam. This is a serious prerequisite to the family nap, or it turns out to be a complete disaster. So, this weekend, we went on a family field trip in an effort to have some fun and blow off some steam.

The Easter bunny generously gifted the children fishing poles, and my Mom gave the kids these stylish and snuggly fleeces, so we decided to give them a try. I think it may have been too cold for the fish, but by the time we left, both kids had dirt under their fingernails and leaves in their hair, so it was definitely a success.

At first, they were all gung-ho about the fishing adventure:

That lasted for about 15 minutes, until Ethan decided it was more fun to throw rocks, so we ventured down stream and left the fishing to the more patient half of the family.


And, about 15 minutes later, Ethan had a rock throwing partner, and Andy was the last fisherman standing.


That was our cue to take a nice walk in the woods, and visit the playground

Then we took them home, hosed them off and took a nice long family nap. I am happy to report that the kids were so tuckered out that this plan was a rousing success. A big thank you to two very important people who made this day possible, my Mom for getting the kids such snuggly fleeces to wear on our fishing trip, and Jill for teaching me the importance of resting ones eyes midday.

A springy photo shoot

Happy Easter! Every spring, we get professional pictures taken. I decided to try to take them myself this year (Why? I have no idea.) Yesterday, I forced the kids to get all dressed up say "Cheese!". They were pretty irritated with me when all was said and done, but some of the pictures turned out OK. I will eventually get them printed and give them out to people, but we all know I suck at following through with things so here they are:




This one is funny, see how thoroughly annoyed he is. Love it!

Should I cut my losses and take them to a professional? Should I quit my day job and become a photographer? What do you guys think?

Playing with Food 3/22/08

Remember the Wonder Years? That was such a good show: wholesome family, coming-of-age storylines, great music, Winnie Cooper and her teeny little eco-friendly car .

I really miss that show.
One of the most consistent scenes in The Wonder Years revolved around Jack, Norma, and the kids enjoying their evening meal. It never failed that as they would sit on their vinyl seats around the table, Jack would have to yell at Wayne for playing with his food. That Wayne was such a PITA.
Anyway, I realized that in my house we seem to encourage playing with food. In preparation for Easter, we played with edible playdough:

(This is made from equal parts dry milk, peanut butter, and honey. It is pretty tasty.)
We made a bunny hutch:

We dyed eggs:

And, the most popular event, playing with rice:

This is quite possibly the perfect spur of the moment activity. It is cheap and provides at least 45 minutes of entertainment. For this activity, you first gather supplies. I prefer to use Organic Whole grain Jasemine wild rice. That was a joke. Anyway a couple of bowls, spoons, and measuring cups and voila! It is easy to clean up too:

Fun, fun! So, that is what we have been up to...eat your heart out, Jack Arnold.

Is there a person in there?

March 16, 2008 - Sunday

This morning, we were waiting to see the Easter bunny. In line, many families with pretty little children were all dressed up in their fancy duds to sit on the lap of he who will bring them treats in a basket while they slumber. First off, my children were not in fancy gear...this Easter bunny thing was an afterthought; my main interest in being at the mall was to buy more pants for Emily since she outgrows them every other week. So, as you can tell, we were kind of already standing out like a sore thumb. Well, maybe not like a sore thumb...more like an itchy thumb. We were noticeably underdressed, but not painfully underdressed. Not that this really matters, but I did want to set the scene.

Then, whammo! Emily asks a question I have been dreading..."Is there a person in there? In the bunny? That huge bunny would not even fit in our house!" Since she chose to semi-scream this question, all of the moms, dads, and kids in line quickly turned to stare at us, the underdressed family...they were clearly awaiting my response as much as she was. Way to put me on the spot, little girl.

As you can imagine, this question poses quite the conundrum. She is definitely old enough to tell the difference between real and fake...and a 7 foot tall fuzzy bunny with gigantic plastic eyes definitely falls in the fake-o category. What’s a mother to do? I am certainly not going to lie straight to her face...she would know that I was either a. lying, or b. stupid. We can’t have that. I am sure she will think I am an idiot for the majority of her teenage years, and I am not in a hurry to speed up this process. Plus, we have a BIG rule in our house about lying, and I am not about to sit on time out! On the other hand, how can I burst the bubble of all the other children in line by telling the truth.

So, what was my response?....a big old mumble. Yes, I simply mumbled..something like "Well, theres sammeremen and the bunny pershhshsafluies. Hey, LOOK! They give you bunny ears after you get your picture taken COOL!" I don’t quite think this strategy will work when the "birds and the bees" discussion rears its ugly head, but it seemed to do the trick today, so I breathed a sigh of relief and went on to answer the 20 million other questions that she had while we were in line. Then, my casually dressed kiddos smiled nicely for the camera and we were on our way.


So, the moral of my story: When in Doubt: Mumble.

Sayonara Cinderella

March 14, 2008

OK, folks. One question: what is the appeal with the Disney Princesses? The fact that they are pretty? That they have a prince and a poofy dress and live in a castle? I’ll pass, thank you very much. Please pardon me if I sound a bit jaded. I just have a slight bitterness about the princess madness that has played a role in Emily’s live for the past 2 years. She played dress up with the outfits, went to see them on ice, and has a multitude of trinkets and other such princess paraphenelia. Handel’s

"Hallelujia" chorus practically resonated in my ears when she uttered the highly anticipated words, "I think maybe I am not so much into princesses anymore".
Don’t get me wrong, she still has an adequete love for pincessy things, and this much I can handle, but I am oh-so-pleased to report that the undying adoration has come to an end. I must say that I do appreciate the princesses mannerly ways, their poise, and their ability to perservere when they encounter adversity These young ladies did have their strong points. That Cinderella did not bend over and accept her fate as an unappreciated servant. I get this. Way to go, blondie. Unforutunately, she waited for a prince to come along and save the day. What’s up with that? Is this really the role model we want for our impressionable girls? I think not.

And what about that Mermaid...disobeying her father like that and "flitting to the surface"? Putting her life in danger and giving up her voice, her God given gift, to hang out with a fella she had only seen from afar? Superficial much, Ariel? Seriously, you’d think one of her sisters, or at least Sebastian, would have stepped in and let her know that there were other fish in the sea. You need not give up part of yourself to make your dreams come true. Really.

Quite honestly, the only princess I would hang out with, and want my daughter to learn anything from, would be Belle. Yes, the bookworm who saw the true beauty in the ghastly beast gets an A in my gradebook. She didn’t fall for that egotistical Gaston. She stood up for her father and took a stand. She valued education and heart over beauty, and this is a lesson I would like to send to my daughter.

I look forward to the opportunity to revisit these stories with Emily when she is old enough to learn the right lessons from them. I am just happy, for this moment, that I do not have to worry about her expecting some guy on a white horse to come sweeping by and rescue her. My girl can stand up for herself, thank you very much, and I intend to be sure she knows it.
OK. I am climbing off of my soapbox for now. Carry on!