7:44 PM

Letter to a 10 year old Me

Here is another writing assignment, courtesy of


Dear Little Miss Whimsy,

I understand that this is quite possibly the worst year of your life. Looking back after all this time, I need you to know that you are right. Mrs.-Miller-the-Fourth-Grade-Killer is a horrible teacher and a complete bitch (please don't tell Mom I said that). Her plaid bellbottomed pantsuits are not OK. Her inclination to dump your desk all over the floor in front of the whole class is not OK. Her inability to treat her students like people is not OK. You are right to be pissed and hate school.

OK, don't get all down on yourself because of the realization that this year will suck so badly for you that you will still remember it in 18 years. Let's take a look at the bright side. The next 18 years of your life are going to be, like, totally awesome. Let me break it down for you:

1. You are going to keep all of your awesome friends. I am not even kidding. You will still talk to them when you are as old as me. They will always be there for you when you need them. They are truly irreplaceable.

2. You are going to meet more awesome friends. They will be smart and funny, and appreciate how smart and funny you are. One or more of them may even tell you that you are a good singer. More than one of them will appreciate your extraordinary abilities at trivia games. They will also come over to your house even though they are allergic to your animals.

3. Your baby sister grows up to be a REALLY cool chick. I would actually consider her to be a great friend. She is smart, pretty, and witty. You are going to love her even more than you do now. (Note: When you are a crabby teenager and she hides your car keys, they are in the fig tree.)

4. Your mom will eventually be one of your best friends. You will appreciate her intelligence, her resourcefulness, and her ability to be comfortable with the fact that she is almost always right. You will almost even kinda want to be a little bit just like her.

5. You will soon realize how much Tom loves you and that he is honestly the most supportive person you will ever meet. He is also really wonderful at making mixed drinks. You should start calling him Dad.

6. You are going to have a great husband. He will be so wonderful that you will be able to overlook the fact that he is a horrible speller and he once wore very ugly shoes. He will always remind you how wonderful you are and he can fix almost everything. He is also good at directions. And he is hot. 'Nuff said.

7. You are going to have two great kids. One of them actually reminds me of you. She is really freaking funny, super cute, and outrageously talented. The other one reminds me of a clown. A really adorable clown with no props or makeup. You will love them more than anything and really enjoy being their mother.

Do you understand now? If you can get through this year, things will be smooth sailing. You will be free to live a charmed life. A couple of tips to get you through:

1.The next time Mrs. Miller dumps your desk, thank her and give her a really big smile. It will throw her off.

2. Do not, I repeat, do not give this meanie-teacher the christmas gift your mother purchases for her. It will only make things worse. Much, much worse. Trust me. Give her a construction paper cutout of a christmas tree or something. You will thank me later.

3. On the last week of school, you will give Mrs. Miller the book "Sodoko and the Thousand Paper Cranes". She will read this book aloud to the class and she will cry real tears. Only then will you realize that she is a real live human and she actually has feelings. Mrs. Miller has a heart. It is just hard to see because it is covered with all those layers of ice.

4. Michael Jackson will turn out to be a complete weirdo.

Mrs. Whimsy


Solei said...

"Michael Jackson turns out to be a weirdo!"
i just had to laugh at that one.

Did you ever wear those 'beat it' t-shirts too??? 'cause sadly enough, i did and it seems like we're around the same age.

anD i'm sorry u had 2 go through that as a kid. my monkey kinda went through the same last year in 4th, and it was tough 4 her. those witches have no business teaching. sorry.

Tabi said...

So, I am left asking....what in the world did your mom buy for your teacher that year?!?! I agree with solei though some teachers should just not teach. I am one of those people! I wouldn't be good at it and will gladly leave it to the great people that should! Don't think I would ever tip a desk over though to be ugly to a student! That is crazy! Have a great week!!

Rachel said...

Great post!!! Can I add you to my blog roll...I'm a new blogger :)

Insane Mama said...

What a bitch, did she really dump your desk???

Emily said...

Oh my gosh- how horrible! So glad I never had an awful teacher. That can scar a kid! Glad you made it through ok. :)
Great letter!
And I'm with Tabi- left wondering what on earth your mom got for Mrs. Miller and what happened! Dying to know... sounds like it's worth a seperate post.

Lateshia said...

Oh my goodness girl! Some of those things definitely had me laughing! I too am wondering what you were made to give to that bi*** of a teacher!

Kristy said...

One of my favorites so far (and that is saying a lot!). You must have really great friends if they actually come to your house despite being allergic to your animals ;) So what if their driving is impaired because their eyes are swollen!

Good one!

Mama's Losin' It said...

This was SO cute!! I love it...I love the funny parts about finding the keys in the fig tree and the serious parts about calling him Dad (totally relate to that one)...and the parts about the kids one being like you and one like a clown. lol. Great letter!!

And for the love of God KNOCK ON WOOD IMMEDIATELY!!! Your life has been great DON'T JINX IT!!!!

Anonymous said...

Yeah Mrs. W. what DID your mom buy that teacher... tell me sometime... Norton's mom

The Wizzle said...

Hey, that was kind of cool! I should do some of those little games to exercise my brain while my HUGE pregnant body languishes on the couch.

I was thinking the other day - I *never* really had a bad teacher. I mean, some were definitely better than others, but no one who made me want to avoid school. Sorry yours was such a loony!

Dawn@Embracing the Ordinary Life said...

GREAT Letter...I wish I would have done this "assingment".